Sometimes the most helpful thing we can do for an older loved one is recognize where a little assistance could make everyday life easier.
The holidays are a wonderful opportunity to spend time with family, especially when we don’t get to see each other as often as we’d like.
But something interesting sometimes happens during those visits.
Over the years, I’ve heard from people in my senior professionals group that the weeks following Thanksgiving and Christmas are often particularly busy for them. Why? Because grown children visit their parents over the holidays and realize that Mom or Dad might need a little more help than they thought.
It’s not necessarily because something dramatic happened. Often, it’s the little things that become noticeable when we’re spending time together rather than talking on the phone.
Sometimes the Little Things Tell Us the Most
Maybe the yard isn’t being maintained quite as well as it used to be. Perhaps cooking full meals has become more of a chore, or keeping up with housekeeping and laundry takes more effort than it once did.
Sometimes the changes are less obvious.
Sorting through the mail, paying bills, and keeping track of important paperwork can become overwhelming. I’ve seen situations where someone carefully saved and organized stacks of mail, but much of what they were keeping wasn’t particularly important.
Did you know there are professionals who help older adults organize paperwork, identify important documents, and manage everyday financial responsibilities? It’s a service many families don’t even realize is available, and sometimes a little help with those tasks can make a world of difference.
And sometimes everything really is going quite well. That’s reassuring to discover, too. The point isn’t to look for problems everywhere. It’s simply to pay attention.
Why Accepting Help Can Be So Difficult
Many older adults grew up with a strong sense of independence and frugality. They learned to take care of things themselves, avoid unnecessary expenses, and make the most of what they had.
Those habits have served them well for decades. But sometimes those same habits make it difficult to accept help, even when they can comfortably afford it.
Think about gardening. Someone who has maintained their own yard for 50 years might wonder why they should suddenly pay a gardener.
And perhaps they still enjoy doing some gardening. That’s wonderful! But there’s a difference between tending a few favorite plants because it’s enjoyable and feeling obligated to maintain an entire property because hiring someone seems wasteful.
Sometimes the question isn’t whether someone can do a particular chore. It’s whether continuing to do it is the best use of their time and energy.
Sometimes They’ll Accept Help for Someone Else
I’ve noticed an interesting pattern over the years. Sometimes a husband who doesn’t want to hire help for himself will agree when he realizes it would make life easier for his wife.
Or a widowed parent who insists she doesn’t need assistance may reconsider when she understands that having a little help would give her grown children some peace of mind.
Funny how we’ll sometimes accept help for someone we love when we wouldn’t accept it for ourselves.
That doesn’t mean we should pressure our parents or make them feel guilty. But it does remind us that conversations about accepting help are often about much more than money. They’re also about independence, pride, family relationships, and feeling useful.
A thoughtful conversation that respects those feelings can accomplish much more than simply telling someone what they should do.
A Little Help Can Make Staying Home Easier
One of the most important things I’ve learned from working with older homeowners is that accepting assistance doesn’t automatically mean it’s time to move.
Sometimes a housekeeper, gardener, grocery delivery service, or help preparing meals can make an enormous difference. Other families benefit from occasional caregiving assistance or someone who helps manage household paperwork and bills.
These services can reduce everyday burdens and help older adults continue enjoying the homes and neighborhoods they love.
Of course, there are situations where moving closer to family or into a senior living community makes more sense. But that’s a decision worth considering thoughtfully, based on individual needs and preferences.
The goal should be helping someone live comfortably and safely, not assuming that getting older automatically means they need to leave their home.
I’ll Be Paying Attention This Year, Too
This year, I’ll be spending a week with my dad, who’s in his nineties, and my stepmother.
They’re doing quite well, and I’m looking forward to our time together. But I’ll also be paying attention to whether there are little things that might make their everyday lives easier.
It’s difficult to get a complete picture during a phone conversation, especially when the people we love don’t want us to worry about them.
And like many families, I know that offering help can require a little diplomacy!
A Final Thought
As you spend time with older parents or loved ones this holiday season, take the opportunity to notice the little things. They may not ask for help, even when a little assistance would make life easier. And you don’t need to solve everything during a holiday visit. Sometimes simply starting a thoughtful conversation is the most helpful first step.
Sometimes the greatest gift isn’t something wrapped in a package. It’s noticing where a little help might make someone’s everyday life easier—and finding a thoughtful way to offer it.
Janey Bishop
Broker | DRE #01838769
(818) 570-1144
[email protected]
SRES, CPE, CPRES, RCSD
Senior Real Estate Specialist
Certified Probate Expert
Certified Probate Real Estate Expert
Real Estate Collaborative Specialist – Divorce
